Cabin Fever
by TerraTheMasterful
Summary: The Titans take a trip to a lakeside cabin for a little R and R. The trip goes from bad to worse, especially when they realize that someone is watching their every move...
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, just so I don't get sued or nothing like that, I'm putting this little disclaimer:**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. The characters and events in this story – even those based on actual people or events – are fictional.This is a figment of my imagination so bogus that not even the guy who really owns Teen Titans could ever make it possible.**

**I have about two dozen other things I'll need to "disclaim" but I'll save that for the end, okay? Snoogans.**

It was about 10:30 PM at the T-shaped tower. All five Titans were scrambling to pack their bags, anxious to leave for their big spring break vacation. Having just defeated Trigon, perhaps the toughest villain they had ever faced, Robin agreed that a little R and R would be good for everyone.

"Stupid little spiky-haired punk bitch, making us leave at 4:30 in the goddamn morning…" Cyborg muttered under his breath as he gathered his essential gadgets into a large metal case. He was struggling to close it when a raspy voice behind him yelled, "Hey Cy!"

He jumped up with a startled yelp. When he saw that it was only Beast Boy he sighed with relief. "Man, what're you doing sneaking up on me like that?" he snapped.

"Jeez, sorry dude," Beast Boy replied. "I just wanted to ask if I could hide my, uh, 'deodorant' in your bag."

"Why can't you put it in your own bag?"

"Because," Beast Boy whispered, "it's not really deodorant." He glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one was looking. When he decided the coast was clear, he pulled out a normal-looking plastic deodorant container. "Nothing suspicious, right?" He then lifted off the cap, revealing a shredded, brownish plant stuffed inside.

Cyborg sniffed the strange substance. He stared at Beast Boy in disbelief. "Man, this is WEED! If Robin finds this-"

"…I'll get my ass handed to me on a silver platter," Beast Boy said. "I know. That's why I can't have it in my bag. He wouldn't think to search your stuff, right? So keep it safe for me, will ya?"

Cyborg shook his head. "No way, dude. I don't want all my stuff smelling like dope."

Beast Boy made a sulky face. "Fine. I'll ask Raven."

"Yeah, right!" Cyborg laughed. "Good luck with THAT!"

He crept down the hall to Raven's closed door. Checking to make sure no one else was around, he lightly rapped on the door. "Hey, uh, Raven? I was wondering if you'd do me a favor…"

The response he got was silence. He cracked open the door and peered inside. The room was only dimly lit, and he couldn't tell if anyone was there or not. He called her name again, and again no one answered. _Guess I'll just wait for her to get back,_ he thought.

He sat down on her bed and felt something brush his hand. Lying beside him was a strange, cylindrical object. It was about ten inches long and rounded at the end. Curious, he picked it up, accidentally hitting a switch and causing the object to flash neon light.

"Jeez," he said to himself, "who would've thought Raven collected light sabers?"

He examined the light saber, trying to figure out what about it Raven could possibly find interesting. Turning it upside-down, he found another switch, which he pushed to "ON." The object began to vibrate and made a loud buzz.

"Dude!" he exclaimed. "Sound effects! Sweet!"

He took the light saber in both hands, holding it as if it were a weapon. Swinging it around his head, he slashed at his imaginary enemies and defending himself from their counter-strikes. Suddenly he heard footsteps and female voices coming from the hall.

"Shit!" Beast Boy whispered to himself. Thinking quickly, he switched off the light saber, dropped it back on Raven's bed and, figuring he wouldn't have enough time to make an escape, ducked under her bed.

"Um, friend Raven?" said Starfire timidly. "I do not believe I am in possession of this 'suit of bathing' of which you speak."

"Don't worry," Raven said reassuringly. "I have an extra that you can borrow. It's a little big on me anyway, so it should fit you fine. Just remind me tomorrow morning, okay?"

"Oh, I shall!" Starfire shouted in that excited-little-girl-on-Christmas-morning voice. "I am most grateful for your generosity, friend Raven!" She was about to catch the dark girl in a tight hug, but Raven, seeing what was coming, slid backwards into her room and closed the door.

Raven clicked the lock and threw off her cloak carelessly onto the floor. Beast Boy heard her footsteps getting gradually louder until he could see her feet right next to his face. She noticed the light saber on her bed and picked it up. "Hmm, knew I left it around here somewhere…" she muttered to herself.

She slid out of her shoes and began to unzip her leotard. Beast Boy heard the mattress creak as she plopped on top of it. He also heard her stereo click on and loud rock music bursting from the speakers. Now wearing only her lacy black bra and panties, she switched the light saber on. "Perfect way to end a long week…" she said deviously.

Beast Boy was trying to figure out what she meant by that, but his thoughts were interrupted by the loud moans above him. _Jeez,_ he thought. _I had no idea Raven was into that kind of stuff…_

The moans began to grow louder and louder, drowning out the loud music, until they became screams. Beast Boy began to panic. _Shit, what if she's in trouble?_ He thought hectically. Meanwhile, Raven felt the long-awaited sensation beginning to pulse through her sweat-drenched body. She was so close…

Beast Boy jumped out from his hiding place. He shouted, "Don't worry, I'll save you Ra-"

His eyes grew wide as he stared at her. Raven, paralyzed with shock and embarrassment, struggled to find the words to yell at him. Before she could react, however, Beast Boy grabbed her toy and threw it on the floor. He took the form of a gorilla and furiously trampled it.

"Die! Die! Die! Die!" He screamed, now back in human form. Confused and slightly amused, Raven switched off the music.

"Uh, what the fuck are you doing?"

"Stand back, Raven!" Beast Boy yelled warningly. "Your light saber's possessed by some evil force of forceful evil! It almost killed you!"

Raven shook her head in disbelief. "Are you seriously that retarded?" she laughed.

"Shut up!" he shouted defensively. "I just saved you life. The least you could do is say thank you."

She picked up her "light saber" and held it next to Beast Boy's face. "Haven't you ever heard of a vibrator?"

There was a long silence as Beast Boy stared at Raven, then at the vibrator, and then back at Raven.

"No," he finally said.

Raven shook her head again. "Just get out of my room," she muttered.

He left without a word. She locked the door behind him and began laughing uncontrollably. "Holy shit," she said to herself. "This is going to be a very interesting trip…"

**Well, I figured why not start off with a bang. Bet you'd never see THAT on the series! Now do you see why it's rated M?**

**Peace, Love, and All Things Rock,**

**Terra The Masterful**


	2. Chapter 2

**For those of you who felt Chapter One was a little too extreme, well, it only gets more twisted from here. Like I said, it's rated M for a reason – honestly, what were you expecting, Teletubbies?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Teletubbies. Thank God.**

**Hope you enjoy this next installment. Snoogans.**

At roughly 4:15 that next morning, the five Titans drudged into the garage, dragging heavy bags of luggage behind them. Not even bothering to try and fly, Starfire let her shoes scrape the cement floor carelessly before collapsing onto the side of the T-Car. Cyborg, the only one alert enough to react, rushed to catch her as her limp body slid to the floor.

"Remind me again why we couldn't take the T-Ship?" Raven groaned in a voice even more depressing than her usual monotone.

"Remind me again why we have to leave at four-fucking-thirty in the morning," Cyborg grumbled, his eye focused directly on Robin.

"Because," Robin yawned, "the ship can't ha-aahh-AAAAHHHH- handle the weight of the luggage. And we want to beat tra-aaahh-AAAAAAAAAHHHHH- traffic so we get there before nightfall."

The Titans tossed their bags in the trunk of the car and reluctantly piled into the seats. No sooner did their exhausted bodies touch the soft fabric of the upholstery than their eyes fell shut as they gave in to a peaceful slumber. All except Cyborg, whose central processing systems had already been programmed to deny him the tranquil sleep he so desired to resume. He glanced at Robin sleeping soundly next to him, regarding the Boy Wonder with a hint of contempt. _He shouldn't get to sleep in_, Cyborg thought bitterly. _It's all his fault we had to get up this early. He should be driving our asses to the lake if he's so fucking bent on when we get there. Sometimes Boy Bitch just pisses me the fuck off, with his hair gel and know-it-all superiority complex…_

About three uneventful hours passed before Robin and the girls began to stir. Starfire yawned loudly as Raven stretched her slender body. Robin rubbed his masked eyes and groaned as he turned to Cyborg. "Any idea where we are?"

"Almost to Palm Springs," Cyborg answered flatly. "I say we stop there for some breakfast, and since YOU dragged our asses up without feeding us, YOU can treat US. How's that sound, Boy Wonder?"

"Fine, whatever," Robin mumbled, unable to care any less if he tried. Cyborg smirked to himself, proud of having smart-mouthed his leader and for once getting his own way.

_Beast Boy felt something softly brushing his cheek. Annoyed and reluctant to open his eyes, he waved his hands blindly in an effort to push it away. Instead he felt a hand on the back of his head, its long fingers caressing his scalp. A pair of soft lips closed tightly around his own and something soft and slippery wiggled its way into his mouth. The mysterious lips abandoned his mouth as he felt their wet trail circling his neck. The hand on his head deepened the kisses, while another hand began moving seductively down his chest. The lips returned to his, nearly suffocating him in another deep embrace. He felt the hand stop just above his belt, rubbing his stomach teasingly. Knowing what he wanted, the seductress slid her hand deep inside his pants, pressing her body against his. Her soft breasts heaved against his chest as she gently massaged his crotch. He moaned softly into her mouth and whispered for her never to stop. She answered by running her tongue along his jawbone and sliding it into his ear. He couldn't take the suspense anymore. He had to see his secret lover's face. He opened his eyes slowly…_

"Fascinating," said Starfire as she poked at the tip of the tent protruding from between Beast Boy's legs. "Please, what is this hardness inside the pants of the Beast Boy?"

Beast Boy let out a panicked yelp. Thinking quickly, he buried both hands between his legs and leaned forward, hoping to conceal his erection before anyone else noticed. _Shit,_ he cursed himself mentally. _Why did I have to get a hard-on while sleeping between two girls!_ His already-red face turned even darker as he heard stifled laughter from the front two seats of the car.

Raven giggled deviously, seeing the perfect chance to get even with Beast Boy for the night before. "I don't know, Starfire. I couldn't see it very well, seeing how small it was…"

"Shut the fuck up, Raven!" Beast Boy shouted defensively. "You never hear me making fun of you cuz your tits aren't like a triple-D cup or whatever! So just get off my shit, okay!"

Cyborg, unable to control himself after this last comment, burst into hysterical laughter. "Ooooo, sounds to me like BB's a little sensitive…"

"What? No way!" Beast Boy fired back, desperately trying to redeem what remained of his pride. "Believe me, I have NOTHING to be sensitive about! It's just cold in here, okay?" He hinted at Raven when he added that last comment.

Raven just chuckled mockingly back at him. "Uh huh, sure. That explains all the sweat on your temples."

"Can we just drop this?" Robin grumbled, trying to be diplomatic in what seemed like an endless battle of wits.

"Agreed," added Starfire. "Friends must not argue like this."

The car grew eerily silent. Cyborg flicked on his turn signal as the car merged to the right. Beast Boy noticed the vehicle slowing down as it headed onto an exit ramp. "Dude, where are we going?"

"To the hospital to buy you a penis implant, I assume," Raven shot back, unable to resist one last chance to go for the throat.

"SHUT UP RAVEN!" Beast Boy exploded. "If you were a guy I would kick your ass so hard you wouldn't be able to sit down for a month!"

Now it was Robin's turn to laugh uncontrollably. Still trying to hold himself together, he said reassuringly, "Jeez, calm down Beast Boy. We're just getting some breakfast."

"Sweet! I'm starved!" he exclaimed, having all of forgotten Raven's insults.

Robin smiled to himself. _Maybe they won't kill each other after all…_ he thought optimistically.

**Okay, I should've updated sooner, I know, but:**

**A) This is still something of a work-in-progress. B) I just had oral surgery yesterday and am typing one-handed. (My other hand is icing my swollen gums. Ugh.)**

**Peace, Love, and All Things Rock,**

**Terra The Masterful**


	3. Chapter 3

**First and foremost, thank you all so much for the feedback! This is my first fanfiction, and I wasn't expecting it to generate such a response. Okay, I know, I digress. On with Chapter 3 for your enjoyment! Snoogans.**

The car pulled into the Denny's parking lot and slowly came to a stop. No sooner had Cyborg put it in park than Beast Boy made a dive for the door, landing hard on Raven's lap. "Move your fat ass, Raven!" he yelled. "I'm starving here! I require nourishment!"

She scowled at him and defiantly lifted her leg, blocking his access to the door. "You can wait," she growled.

He groaned in protest, but Robin turned around, giving him a look that suggested it would be wise to shut up. The other Titans filed out of the car, not wanting to prolong the argument any more. As they made their way to the entrance, they noticed how surprisingly full the parking lot was. Nearly every space available was occupied by a BMW, Porsche, Audi, Jaguar, or other expensive-looking European sports car.

"Jeez, this must be the big hang-out in Palm Springs on Saturday mornings," Cyborg commented, stealing an occasional glance at the shiny metal beauties before him.

"Well, people here sure like to show off their money," Raven added flatly, "and not just with cars." She nodded subtly at a couple climbing into a silver Audi convertible. The man appeared middle-aged, with salt-and-pepper hair and thick-rimmed glasses. He wore a silk shirt and shorts, probably either Gucci or Prada. The young woman with him was platinum blonde with large, European-style glasses. Her tight pink dress hugged her plump breasts and her spiked heels accentuated her tanned legs. If she hadn't locked the man in a passionate kiss just then, she could easily have passed for his daughter.

Robin shook his head. "That's pretty creepy."

"I know," Raven nodded. "He has 'mid-life crisis' written all over him."

"Dude," Beast Boy cut in, "that guy must get so much pussy…"

Meanwhile, Starfire had found friendship in a blue Camero. "Stand back! You are too close to the vehicle!" the alarm sounded in a harsh robotic monotone.

"Friends!" cried Starfire excitedly. "I was unaware that Earth vehicles had the capacity for verbal communication!" She turned back to the car, leaning forward as if talking to a child. "Greetings, Earth vehicle! I am Starfire of Tamaran! Shall we converse together?"

Her hand only gently brushed the surface of the Camero, but that was enough to trigger the alarm. The car's lights flashed wildly as it screeched madly in the parking lot. Starfire gasped and turned to her friends for advice. "I have offended the Earth vehicle?"

Robin tugged at her arm. "Uh, yeah. It's pretty pissed off, so you'd better just leave it alone." He tried to pull her to the door of the restaurant, but she pulled back.

"I feel I should apologize to the vehicle. I did not mean to be rude to it."

Robin sighed. Sometimes she could be very difficult to reason with, and this was one of those times. In his mind he reminded himself that she didn't understand that cars don't have feelings. "Okay, Starfire," he said soothingly, "you should apologize to the car, but I think you should wait until it's stopped flashing and making noise and drawing attention, okay?"

She nodded in agreement. The rest of the Titans sighed with relief, glad that she had finally come to her senses – kind of. They walked into the Denny's and stood in front of the hostess, waiting for her to notice them. She looked up and examined them, not quite knowing how to react. Of course, it wasn't every day that people like them walked into Denny's in Palm Springs, right?

"How many?" she asked quietly. Cyborg held up five large fingers. She instinctively grabbed five menus and nodded for them to follow her. As they snaked between tables and waitresses, the Titans – especially Beast Boy - began to notice that there were almost no women in the entire restaurant. All the tables were occupied by groups of men. Most of the men appeared to be in their twenties and early thirties, wearing tight sleeveless shirts to show off their muscular bodies. A few wore earrings and necklaces, and nearly all of them wore at least one article of white clothing.

The Titans slid into their booth one by one. Robin and Starfire took one side, while Cyborg sat between Raven and Beast Boy, just in case they needed a buffer. They spread open their menus and scanned the pictures. "Remember, guys," Cyborg said proudly, "get whatever you want. Breakfast is on Robin." He winked deviously at the Boy Wonder. "So, I propose eggs, bacon, sausage-"

"Whoa, whoa!" Beast Boy cut him off. "Did you forget that I'm a vegetarian!"

"Actually," Raven said dreamily, "sausage sounds goooooooooooooooooood…" They followed her gaze, which was directly focused on four twenty-something men sitting at a nearby table. All four wore white wifebeaters and white shorts. One of them turned to the Titans' booth and noticed Raven staring at him. She licked her lips flirtatiously back and batted her eyelashes. He gave her a confused look and whispered something to his companions. All four turned to Raven. This time she went straight for the attack. She ran her fingers through her hair, letting itflow gently. Looking directly at them, she began licking her finger and then slid it into her mouth, sucking it seductively. The first guy nodded to Robin and beckoned for him to come over. Confused, Robin scooted out of the booth and walked over the table.

The man who called him over motioned for him to lean in. He whispered to Robin, "Look, could you ask your friend to stop being a pervert and leave us the fuck alone? She's really starting to creep us out."

Robin looked back at Raven and then turned back to the four men. "Listen, she just went through some rough times emotionally, okay? Are you sure you couldn't humor her with just a little harmless flirting?"

One of the other men leaned toward Robin and whispered in a somewhat feminine voice, "I thought the white clothes made it obvious, but I guess not. Thing is, she's not exactly our type."

Robin shrugged. "Raven's a little…different, I guess. But all I'm saying is that it wouldn't hurt you to flirt a little. Just make her feel special, you know?"

"Listen kid," said the first man. "Haven't you ever heard of The White Party?"

"Uhhh…no." Robin looked at them with confusion, trying to figure out what "The White Party" meant and what it had to do with Raven.

The second man rolled his eyes. "Omigod, are you serious? Listen, The White Party is the world's biggest festival for gay men. And me and my compadres here have been coming to Palm Springs for three years for it. And you know what else? Most of the other guys here were on the bus with us from West Hollywood, so your friend should just give up while she's ahead."

Suddenly it all started to make sense to him – why there were no women in the restaurant, why all the men wore white, why they didn't pay any notice to Raven or Starfire. "So…almost every guy is this restaurant is…gay?"

"Like, yeah!" the man answered sarcastically. "Took ya long enough, jeez!"

"Well, uh, sorry to bother you. Have fun." Robin turned to walk back to the booth, wanting to get away from the awkward situation.

Raven sat up, her eyes sparkling with hope. "So, you got all their numbers, right?"

Robin fidgeted, not quite sure how to break it to her nicely. "Uh, not exactly. See…they're…kind of…gay."

Her face turned paler than usual. "Wait," she said in disbelief, "what do you mean 'gay'? Like, as in-"

"As in they don't fuck women!" Beast Boy interrupted. "Damn, Raven, what did you think he meant?"

Cyborg mentally braced himself for what was coming. Starfire clutched Robin's arm protectively, fearing the wraths of both Raven and Beast Boy. She leaned close to him and whispered, "Is the Beast Boy going to kill Raven?"

Robin patted her hand reassuringly. "No, of course not. Actually, she'll probably beat him to it."

**Sorry this chapter was so long. I kind of ad-libbed it this morning. That, and I simply couldn't resist making fun of my hometown of Palm Springs! (Yes, all the stuff about rich people and The White Party is true.)**

**Peace, Love, and All Things Rock,**

**Terra The Masterful**


	4. Chapter 4

**I know, I haven't updated this damn story in like half a century. I've been very busy moving into my dorm, going to classes, getting drunk in Isla Vista…you get the idea. Okay, enough about me. Chapter Four! Snoogans.**

The Titans finished their breakfast and left the Denny's. Raven sulked, embarrassed and unhappy with her misfortune. Beast Boy snickered at her, and it was all she could do not to swallow him in darkness. The other three kept awkwardly silent, not wanting to provoke the situation any further. The car remained this way until Cyborg pulled into a Costco gas station. (A/N: For those of you who've never been to Costco, it's a big warehouse store where everything is sold in bulk.)

"Just need to get some gas," he explained to his passengers. "Anybody want anything inside while we're here?"

"Uhhh…never mind." Raven started to raise her hand but quickly stopped herself. She looked away, slightly embarrassed.

Cyborg wouldn't let it go. "It's okay. I'm not stopping again for a few hours, so if you need something ask me now."

Raven raised her head shyly. "Uhhh…could you get me…some…tampons?"

Cyborg recoiled in disgust. "What! No way! Buy them yourself!"

"I don't have enough money!" she protested. "Besides, I only need a few."

"Well, I am NOT buying you tampons!"

"Fine," she snapped. "I guess I'll just have to leave a stain on this nice upholste—"

He jumped up in a panic, frightened at the prospect of anything happening to his "baby." "Okay, Raven, just take it easy. I'll buy your tampons for you." He climbed out of the car and began to walk away when she called to him from out the window.

"Oh, and could you buy me the plastic ones? I can't stand the cardboard. Thanks."

"You'll get what I buy you and you'll fucking like it," he muttered bitterly under his breath.

Cyborg made his way into Costco, maneuvering his large shopping cart between the narrow aisles of the store and trying not to attract too much attention. He came to a shelf with large boxes of tampons. The smallest he could find read "Industrial Pack" and was almost as big as him. He found an employee and pulled him aside.

"Uh, excuse me?" he whispered, as if sharing a secret. "Do you have anything smaller than this?"

The man looked at Cyborg as if he were standing there naked. "That's the smallest box we sell."

"Are you kidding!" Cyborg shouted. "What am I supposed to do with FIVE THOUSAND TAMPONS!"

The man shrugged and walked away, leaving Cyborg to face the confused stares of some thirty other customers. He laughed nervously to hide his embarrassment.

"Hehe, I mean, what is MY SISTER supposed to do with all these…uh…tampons?"

The other people, satisfied with this, simply returned to their shopping. Cyborg hastily made his way to the checkout, hoping to avoid any more embarrassment over the large box in his cart. Upon reaching the register, he noticed the rather attractive young woman working there. She smiled sweetly at him, and he couldn't help smiling back. He took the opportunity to look her over as she swiped his card. Her smile faded as she saw the tampons. She gave him a confused look and then smiled reassuringly.

"Oooohhhh…" she said. "Lemme guess – are these for your girlfriend?"

"No," he laughed, shaking his head. Realizing how she might interpret this, he hastily said, "Yes!…No!…Yes!…She's just a fr-"

The cashier laughed. "It's okay. You must be a very good boyfriend if you're doing this for her. Lucky girl." She waited for the receipt to print before tearing it off and handing it to Cyborg. "Have a nice day."

"Uhhh…yeah. Thanks." Even more embarrassed than before, he bolted out of the store and into the parking lot. He threw open the back door of the car and shoved the tampon box into Raven's arms.

"Thanks," she whispered. "You really didn't have to buy me this many. I said I only needed a few…" When she read the box, however, her face twisted immediately into a scowl. She lifted it up and threw it directly at Cyborg's head.

"Ow!" he shouted after the box hit its mark. "What was that for?"

"You idiot!" she growled. "I told you to get me PLASTIC!"

His jaw dropped almost to the ground. "You have GOT to be kidding!"

"You need to go back in and buy me plastic applicators right now…" she snarled back, her eyes glowing violent red.

Even though he was already pissed off, Cyborg knew better than to invoke Raven's full wrath. He sighed, slouching his way back into the store.

**Well, hope this chapter was worth the wait. (Probably not – it was a lot shorter than I had planned, and a pain in the ass to write.) I have the weekend pretty much free, so I'll try to update a little more often.**

**Peace, Love, and All Things Rock,**

**Terra The Masterful**


	5. Chapter 5

**Go ahead – hate on me for not updating. I just got distracted with parties- er, I mean, midterm exams. Anyway, I felt the last chapter was a little too short, so I hope you like this one. Snoogans.**

As soon as Cyborg returned, this time with an even larger box of tampons, he threw the merchandise in Raven's face and muttered something under his breath. She scowled back, biting her tongue with every ounce of self-restraint she had. He climbed back into the car and headed for the turnpike ramp.

Once they were back on the road, he slowly began to relax. He had always found long drives at high speeds to be the perfect cure-all for whatever he had on his mind. The other Titans also found themselves in a calm state. That is, until Raven snapped:

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Beast Boy stared at her blankly. She nodded in a downward direction, and it was then he noticed his hand, which had been massaging her thigh. He pulled it away quickly and laughed nervously.

"Awww, I'm sorry Rae," he said unconvincingly. "No, honest, I didn't mean to do that!" he added, seeing that she didn't believe him.

"Seriously?' she asked skeptically.

"Yeah," he nodded, trying to appear as sincere as he possibly could.

She relaxed, convinced that he truly meant what he said. Sure, Beast Boy was immature at times, but at least he knew when he was crossing the line.

That's what she thought, anyway.

"Actually, Rae," he said deviously. "What I meant to do was _this_!"

Without warning, he turned to face her and, before she could stop him, grabbed her breasts. He squeezed them three times quickly before letting go. Raven could only stare at him, an expression of pure shock on her face. This only made him burst into hysterical laughter.

"Oh God, you should see the look on your face right now!"

Her shock soon turned to fury as she drew back her arm and thrust her elbow into his groin. He unleashed a blood-curdling scream of agony, making her grin a little. They felt the car slowing down until it eventually came to a halt on the side of the highway. Robin opened the door, marched to the back of the car, and yanked open the door on Raven's side.

"Out," he growled. "Both of you."

They complied, both more intimidated by Robin than they were angry at each other. He pushed Beast Boy to the front door and hopped in the back between the two girls. Before getting back in the car, Beast Boy stole one final glance at Raven and snarled, "Bitch." To this she flashed her middle finger in his face.

The wise thing to do would be to shut up and drop the issue. But of course, Beast Boy couldn't resist having the final say. As soon as he pulled the car door shut, he turned to face Raven. He stared at her lustfully, held up two fingers in the shape of a V, and flapped his tongue between them. Furious at this crude insult, she kicked the back of the seat, making him snicker harder.

"What has gotten into you two?" Robin snapped. "Honestly, I've never seen you act like this. And quite frankly, none of us like it. So whatever issues you two have, just get over them."

"Agreed," Starfire piped in. "This fighting is causing Silkie to become upset." She indicated the giant larvae on her lap, who looked distressed.

They continued driving without a word. The mood once again became as tranquil as it had been before. Cyborg found himself accelerating gradually faster, until the other cars became black blurs in the window. The other Titans also took notice and became concerned.

"Uhh…Cyborg?" said Robin. "Don't you think you should slow down a little?"

"Why?" Cyborg protested. "No one's around. Not like anything bad's gonna happen. I'm just trying to make up for lost time."

It was then that they heard the all-too-familiar sound of a police siren. At that moment all of the Titans thought the exact same thing: _Oh, shit._ Cyborg pulled to the side of the road. The police car followed, slowing to a stop right behind him.

"God damn it!" Cyborg yelled. "This is the third time this week I've gotten pulled over! What's the deal?"

"Uhh…dude?" Beast Boy cut in. "You were doing, like, over a hundred."

"Oh, I SO was not!" Cyborg yelled. "It's all because I'm Black – there, I said it! It happens all the time!"

Raven rolled her eyes. "Please. He didn't pull you over because you're Black. He pulled you over because you were actually speeding. You're just using your race as an excuse so you don't have to own up to your mistake. And quite frankly, it pisses me off. I mean, how are we supposed to stand united when people are letting political correctness keep us divided? Just own up to it and the guy will probably go easy on you."

Cyborg scoffed. "Whatever, Raven. Just let me deal with this punk-ass cop on my own, k?"

However, as they turned to look at the dark figure approaching them, Cyborg automatically wished he could take back everything. A tall African-American man in a police uniform was growing ever larger in his rearview mirror.

Raven smirked, knowing that she had won. "Well Cyborg, looks like your race card just got thrown out of the deck. Now what're you going to do?"

"Don't worry," Cyborg smiled back at her. "I've got a Plan B…"

The policeman tapped on the window, which Cyborg politely rolled down. He put on his sweetest, fakest smile as the cop peered in the car at the five young superheroes. Satisfied, he turned to Cyborg.

"May I see your license, sir?" he asked flatly.

Cyborg made a face. "Oh, sorry officer. It got revoked after my third DUI."

Beast Boy's eyes widenned with surprise and paranoia. "Uh, Cy?" he whispered. "What are you trying t-"

"Relax," Cyborg hushed him. "Just let me do the talking."

"Uh, okay," the cop answered, not expecting such an upfront, nonchalant response. "May I see your registration?"

Again, Cyborg dropped his cheerful demeanor upon hearing this question. He shrugged, "Sorry, man. I stole this car. Oh, but if you still wanna see registration, I think it's somewhere in the glove compartment next to my gun…"

The officer's jaw dropped. He slid his hand over his own gun, just in case. Trying to hide his fear, he asked nervously, "There's a gun in your glove compartment, sir?"

Cyborg rolled his eyes as if it should have been obvious. "Of course," he laughed casually. "We had to put it somewhere after we shot the driver and stuffed her body in the trunk."

This was far more than the young officer could possibly handle. He ran back to his car and grabbed his radio. Meanwhile, the other Titans stared at Cyborg, their faces twisted in shock and horror.

"DUDE!" Beast Boy exploded. "Are you trying to get us all thrown in jail!"

Raven shook her head. "We are so fucked."

Starfire stared quizzically at Robin. "Please," she asked him. "Why did Friend Cyborg tell those falsehoods to the law enforcement officer man?"

"Don't worry," Robin said, patting her hand reassuringly. "I've seen him do this before. He won't get us in trouble."

About half an hour later, the police chief parked his car in front of Cyborg's. He walked slowly to the driver's side of the T-Car, holding his gun for safety. This time, instead of an exaggerated, overly-suspicious grin, Cyborg remained completely serious.

"May I see your license, sir?" The chief asked. Cyborg responded by reaching into his wallet and pulling out a valid driver's license. The officer examined it closely and, determining it was real, handed it back to Cyborg.

"And your registration, please?" Cyborg opened the glove compartment and took a small white paper, which he willingly handed to the officer. Sure enough, the registration was valid, and had his name on it.

The police chief began to relax. He walked around to the other side of the car and tapped on the window. Cyborg lowered it for him, allowing him to look into the gun-free glove compartment.

"Just one more thing," the officer said. "Would you open the trunk, sir?"

Cyborg obeyed. The officer peered inside, finding the Titans' luggage, but no dead bodies.

The police chief began to laugh. "You're not going to believe this," he told Cyborg, pointing to the officer that had pulled them over. "This rookie cop here? He just radioed the station and said you were driving a stolen car without a license, you had a gun in your glove compartment, and a dead body in your trunk."

Cyborg laughed back. "Wow, you're kidding! That's crazy! And I bet that lying little punk told you I was speeding too!"

The chief paused. "Actually, yes, he did. He said that was the reason he pulled you over in the first place."

"Damn it," Cyborg grumbled, shaking his head. "This has happened to me before. Don't know why. I mean, do I seriously look that suspicious?"

"No, not really," the police chief replied. "Don't worry, this rookie's going to hear it from me when we get back to the station. I'm sorry to inconvenience you, sir. Have a nice day."

"Thanks, you too, officer," Cyborg said. He started up the car and pulled back onto the highway.

**Thanks for being so patient with me. I know the intro is extremely long, and they haven't even gotten to the place yet. One more part and then they arrive…**

**Peace, Love, and All Things Rock,**

**Terra the Masterful**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thought I'd forgotten about my little brain-child, didn't you? Nah, I just got a little too "distracted" at my new boyfriend's house this week. Well, I'm back with Chapter 6! Snoogans.**

A few more hours passed as the shock and awe over Cyborg's success with the cops subsided. Even Robin, who was always Mister Righteous, had to smile at his colleague's cleverness. As the mood became much more relaxed, Beast Boy pulled a CD case out of his backpack.

"Dude," he said, pulling out a white blank disc. "You've gotta hear this!"

He slid the disc into the car's CD player. As the rhythm boomed from the speakers, Cyborg began to laugh. "Aw, man, is this…?"

"Yeah," Beast Boy giggled back. The two of them began bouncing to the beat and mouthing the words:

_Finger fuck your pussy like you want some, girl_

_Work it like a nigga straight licking on your pearl_

_I wanna see you cum in the middle of the dance floor_

_A nigga can't fuck, what you think your finger made for_

_I'ma beat that pussy up _

_You get it wet enough, I might lick it up_

_Lickey, lickey, lickey, like a peppermint swirl_

_Lick that clit_

_Cum girl_

_Uh, I wanna see your legs shake_

_Take you to the crib, we can fuck til the bed break_

_Uh, fuck you til your pussy ache_

_Think about the type right now, girl, mastur-_

_Uh, uh_

_Bate for a nigga,_

_Freak you in the clubs stop worrying about them other hoes_

_It's me in your world_

_Work that clit_

_Cum girl…_

"Can we PLEASE put something else on?" Raven groaned. "Something a little less disgusting, preferably."

Beast Boy laughed. "You know Raven, if I weren't _so_ sure you were a lesbian, I'd say this was turning you on…"

"You know Beast Boy, if I weren't _so_ sure you were a complete retard, I'd say I was offended by that," she snapped back.

Robin rolled his eyes, expecting another battle. However, the green changeling merely shrugged, muttered something under his breath, and turned to the window. Meanwhile, he find himself actually getting into the song. This confused him a little, seeing how he was never a big fan of hip hop. Starfire noticed this as well, and smacked him in the head.

"Ow!" he shouted. "What was that for?"

"You should not be thinking vulgar thoughts. On my planet you would have you blorgonth cut off for such suggestiveness," she scolded.

Though he wasn't exactly sure what a blorgonth was, Robin had a vague idea, and shuttered at the notion.

"Good news, everyone," Cyborg said. "We're only about ten miles from the exit."

"Good," Robin smiled. "How about stopping for some lunch?"

Cyborg pulled the car onto the exit ramp and decelerated as they approached an intersection. He stopped at the red light and peered around, trying to find an ideal place to stop. "Okay, guys, here are your options – looks like some Indian place, or a McDonald's. What'll it be?"

"Fuck McDonald's," Raven grumbled. "If I wanted to eat garbage, I'd look for a dumpster."

"Girl's got a point," Beast Boy nodded. "Besides, I'm kinda in the mood from some vegetarian curry."

As the light changed to green, Cyborg turned right and pulled into the parking lot of the Indian restaurant. The lot was empty except for a few beaten-up old cars, and a faded sign that read "Taj Café." The hungry Titans eagerly jumped out of the car and made their way to the door. As a precautionary measure, Robin held on to Starfire's hand, just in case she tried to make friends with any of the cars. She found herself blushing slightly at this, and squeezed his hand affectionately.

The inside of the restaurant, to their surprise, was actually quite nicely decorated. A few paintings of Hindu deities adorned the red and gold walls. On the tables were gold silk napkins and fine china dishes. An elderly man in an olive green robe led them to a booth lined with crimson curtains.

"Dude," Beast Boy snickered, "it's all private in here. I wonder what they're suggesting…?"

"Easy, Beast Boy," said Robin. "You don't want to lose your blorgonth, do you?"

"What?" he said defensively. "I'm just saying. But if they start handing out condoms, THEN we'll know for sure…"

Cyborg shook his head. "Man, nobody's gonna hand out condoms. How many restaurants have you been to where you walked away with a pocket full of Trojans?"

A young Indian woman in red robes placed a large platter in the middle of their table. To each Titan she handed a small, square-shaped plastic package.

"Dude!" Beast Boy yelled, holding up the package proudly. "I TOLD you!"

Raven rolled her eyes. "Haven't you ever seen a moist towellette?"

He tore open the package and peered inside. To his disappointment, Beast Boy pulled out a thin, damp cloth. He then noticed the waitress stared perplexedly at him.

"Oh, heh heh," he laughed nervously. "I'm sorry. I thought you were…advocating…safe sex."

She smiled shyly. "Oh, no. This is a family-friendly restaurant. I am sorry."

"Oh, okay," he replied, finding his confidence increase. "Cuz I was just gonna ask you for another one."

Then she did something none of them was expecting – she giggled. "Somebody is quite eager," she laughed flirtatiously.

Raven rolled her eyes. "You have no idea. Try living with him."

"You are all living together, yes? Are you all family to one another?" she asked.

"Well, we all live together, but we're not related," Cyborg replied.

"Ah," she said. "You are not from around here, correct?"

"Nah, out-of-towners all the way," said Beast Boy. "We're just on our way to this lakeside cabin for a weekend."

"Which lake?" she asked curiously.

"Crowley," he replied.

"Well," she said, realizing she should get back to work, "I shall bring you some appetizers if you would like."

"Sure," said Robin. "What's good here?"

"Do you enjoy spicy?" she asked.

Beast Boy grinned, trying to impress her. "The more the merrier, gorgeous."

"Very well," she nodded. She whisked away toward the kitchen, her long robes flowing behind her.

Raven reached her arm back, looking for something in the back of her robe. She pulled out a box of cigarettes and took a small white stick out of it. With the stick balancing on her lips, she pulled out a yellow lighter. "We can smoke in here, right?" she asked. Not waiting for a reply, she flicked the lighter and lifted the tiny flame to the end of her cigarette.

Robin sighed. "Damn it, Raven. How many times have I told you to quit that crap?"

"I quit smoking reefer!" she said defensively. "Shit, what more do you want from me? I need to have _something_ to help calm me down." She sucked on the cigarette for a few seconds before exhaling a cloud of smoke. "Ah," she sighed contently. "This is even better than sex."

The Titans began picking bits of food from the gigantic platter on their table. Since they were all quite hungry by that point, the food disappeared almost immediately. Not a minute later, the young waitress replaced the platter with an even larger one.

About an hour and three platters later, the Titans paid and were about to leave. Robin and Beast Boy headed for the men's room, telling the other three to meet them at the car in a few minutes. They strolled into the men's room, and as Robin was about to park himself at a urinal, he felt Beast Boy's hand on his chest.

"Dude," he said, "you think you can hold it for a few? I mean, I just don't want to make you feel uncomfortable…you know…next to me…cuz I don't want someone to walk in and start comparing our goods and seeing my rather large stature…you know…next to yours…and making you feel bad…"

Robin chuckled quietly to himself. "Whatever, Beast Boy. I'm pretty confident, but if it makes you feel better, then go ahead." He stepped back politely, leaning against the wall.

As Beast Boy began doing his business, a man and his young son walked in. The boy stood at the urinal next to Beast Boy and peered up at him curiously. The changeling noticed the young admirer, and smiled proudly, certain that the child was most impressed. It was then he heard the young boy turn to his father and ask the question guaranteed to shatter any man's pride:

"Daddy, how come his pee-pee's the same size as mine?"

"Shut up, Robin!" he snapped as they walked out of the restaurant. "Just shut up!"

Robin, laughing uncontrollably, stopped to gasp for breath and say, "That had to be the funniest thing I've ever seen!"

"It wasn't funny, damn it! Shut up and stop laughing, you fuck!"

They made their way back to the car, and to their rather confused friends. Robin wiped the tears from his eyes as he slid between Starfire and Raven. Beast Boy, meanwhile, climbed quickly into his seat, slammed the door, and grumbled under his breath. He remained shockingly silent as Robin recounted the events of the men's room to the other Titans.

"You're an asshole, Robin!" Beast Boy snarled.

Cyborg shook his head laughing. "Relax, B. That was nothing. Remember that time you and Terra made that Internet porno?"

_It was a normal night in Titans Tower. Beast Boy and Terra cuddled peacefully on the couch watching TV. He pulled her closer and turned her head to face him. They leaned ever so close when…_

"_Freeze!"_

_A group of about twenty FBI agents stormed the living room and ripped them apart. They threw Terra on the ground and clamped handcuffs on her._

"_Miss Markov," said one agent, "you are under arrest. We have acquired Internet footage of you having sexual relations with a prepubescent minor."_

"_Dude!" Beast Boy yelled. "I'm eighteen!"_

_The agent paused. "Well," he shrugged, "I guess maybe he just shaves…"_

Beast Boy shrugged. "Yeah, whatever. But I still say it wasn't funny!"

"Please," Starfire asked Robin innocently, "what is this 'hole of ass' and why does the Beast Boy associate you with this hole?"

"Can we go now?" Raven grumbled.

With that, Cyborg pulled the car out of the parking lot and turned back onto the main freeway.

**Again, sorry it took me so long to update this. I haven't had Internet access very much lately, and, like I said, I've spent a lot of time fucking my boyfr- I mean, cramming for finals.**

**Peace, Love, and All Things Rock,**

**Terra the Masterful**


	7. Chapter 7

**Since I know I'll probably be all busy and crap for a while, I figured I'd write this chapter now rather than later, so you won't be waiting a month for it like last time. Much thanks to my devoted readers. (Who'd have thought my first fanfiction would be so successful?) Snoogans.**

Cyborg pulled the car off the freeway onto a dusty intersection. The car continued down a narrow road, passing miles of flat green farm fields before turning off onto a bumpy dirt road.

_Meanwhile, in a hidden underground facility, about a hundred people rushed frantically to and fro. They pushed buttons, pulled levers, and scanned screens. In a dark corner sat a large, indistinguishable figure, observing all the commotion with a steady eye. A young man approached him, carrying a clipboard._

"_They're coming to the house, Boss."_

"_Very good," said the Boss, his voice raspy and a little high-pitched for a man. "Is everything ready?"_

"_Yes, Sir," the young man replied. "The cameras at Points Alpha and Delta are already rolling."_

"_Excellent," the Boss replied contently. "Make sure to keep track of their every move, and especially zoom in if you see anything interesting."_

_He then snapped his fingers loudly. The noise of the room silenced as if turned off by a switch. "Okay, everyone, this is it. This is what we've spent months preparing for, so it had better be a huge success, or you're all fired. Places, everyone! And we're on the air in 5…4…3…2…"_

The T-Car came to a halt in front of a large cabin. The Titans stepped out and stared in awe at the building. They turned around to find a large glimmering lake below them in a peaceful valley.

"Oh, it is glorious!" Starfire exclaimed.

"Told ya, didn't I?" Beast Boy replied.

Robin nodded in agreement. "You were right, Beast Boy. It's very nice."

Cyborg and Raven began unloading the luggage from the trunk while the others toured the house. Beast Boy was about to peer out onto the balcony when he heard a loud grumble from his abdomen.

"Aw, crap," he said to himself. "That curry's taking its toll on me. Better find a bathroom…"

He tried three doors before finding the one that led to the bathroom. Frantically, he slammed the door. Robin and Starfire heard this, and followed the sound curiously. They stood outside the bathroom door. Deep groaning sounds, not to mention a rancid odor, omitted from the room. Concerned, Robin rapped the door lightly with his knuckles.

"Uh, Beast Boy?" he asked. "Is…everything okay in there?"

"Yeah, dude," Beast Boy panted from the other side of the door. "Just gimme a sec…"

As soon as his breathing returned to normal, Beast Boy pushed the silver handle on the toilet. Instead of retreating, however, the murky brown water began to rise. "Shit," he muttered, jiggling the handle again. The water continued to rise until it slowly spilled out of the bowl onto the white tile floor.

"Uh, guys?" he called out.

_The Boss laughed hysterically. "This is some great footage, boys! Are you getting this on tape? Please tell me you're getting this!"_

"_We got every second of it, Boss," one of the men called back._

"_Perfect," the Boss laughed. "I have a feeling that there's more where this came from…"_

Raven and Cyborg walked in, carrying most of the luggage. They dropped it in the middle of the living room floor with a boom. It was then that Raven turned to the wall of the room…

"Whoa…" she whispered.

The other Titans, now entering the room, followed her gaze. On the wall were shelves lined with every type of alcohol imaginable. Beneath the shelves stood a bar-like counter, complete with stools on the other side.

Robin, attempting to sway them away from the booze, broke the silence. "Okay, there are four bedrooms here, so someone's going to have to double up."

"I can't share," said Cyborg. "I'm too big."

"I snore," added Beast Boy.

They turned to Raven. "What? I like my privacy."

Cyborg grinned deviously at Robin. "Guess that leaves you two."

Starfire and Robin exchanged glances. She tried desperately to hide her blush. He, however, merely shrugged nonchalantly.

"Okay, whatever," he said. "That okay with you, Starfire?"

"It is acceptable," she nodded.

Robin noticed Cyborg and Beast Boy giving him winks and smirking at him. Sure, he had told them he was "inexperienced" with women, and they had obviously felt a strong moral obligation to "help" him. He didn't really want any help from them, but at the same time, he wasn't going to refuse the idea of sharing a room with Starfire for a week…

"_Hey, Boss," asked a man holding a plastic container. "Should we send someone up to drop off The Package?"_

"_Hmm…" the Boss pondered. "Nah, give them tonight to get comfortable. We can leave The Package for them tomorrow night."_

That night, the cabin was still as the Titans settled in. Robin, wearing blue sweat pants and a white wifebeater, sat on the bed reading a random book he had found in the room. He looked up to see Starfire enter from outside. She wore a sheer lavender nightgown that fluttered at her thighs and barely covered her slender figure. She walked seductively to the bed and lifted the sheets. Sliding between them, she smiled at Robin and flicked off the lights.

Robin felt something gently brush his shoulder. He felt warm breath on his ear whispering his name. "Robin?…Robin…"

He turned to the lovely Tamaranian next to him. She smiled flirtatiously at him. "Robin, I believe I am 'in the mood'…"

Robin hesitated, not sure precisely how he should react. He wanted to seize this fleeting moment, but yet remain as professional as possible. "In the mood for what?"

"For this." Before he could stop her, she caught him in a passionate kiss. He gave in to instinct and pulled her close to him, feeling her soft skin sweating against his own. As he slid his hands up her legs to her firm derriere, he noticed that she wore no panties. She rolled on top of him, giggling as he slowly lifted her nightgown. Suddenly, he paused, an expression of horror on his face.

"Uh, St-St-Starfire?" he stuttered. "Wha-What the hell is THAT?"

She looked at where he pointed, to the rather large organ between her thighs. "Silly Robin," she giggled. "That is my blorgonth. The female is supposed to penetrate the male and ejaculate, correct?…Robin?…"

Robin felt something gently brush his shoulder. He felt warm breath on his ear whispering his name. "Robin?…Robin…"

He jerked up frantically. Starfire looked him over concernedly. "Robin, are you unwell?"

Slightly embarrassed, he laughed nervously. "Uh, yeah. Just a bad dream is all. I'll be fine."

Satisfied, she rolled back to her side of the bed and fell into a deep sleep. Robin, meanwhile, lay awake, shuttering at his nightmare. An hour later, he still couldn't shake the image from his mind. Every now and then he glanced at the Tamaranian girl next to him and pondered the possibility. "Stop being stupid," he said to himself. Yet the idea still bothered him. He just had to know for certain…

He nudged her gently to make sure she was asleep. She didn't respond, so he sat up and crawled to her side of the bed. He started lifting the end of her nightgown when she began to moan softly. Dropping it quickly, he began to have second thoughts. But the curiosity poked at him incessantly, and he knew he would never sleep until he found out the truth. He lifted it again, sliding it up her thighs, slowly approaching that one place he needed to see…

"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh…." Starfire sighed loudly. Just then her legs fell wide open before Robin's eyes. He jerked his head away, but then slowly turned back to face her from this new angle. Having never seen this side of women before, he found himself becoming more and more curious. He also felt warmth between his legs, as his pants grew ever tighter. Leaning closer to her exposed vagina, he began softly poking at the tender flesh. In response she release a few soft moans. He sniffed her, made a face of repulsion, and wondered why on earth guys would want to have their tongues anywhere near such a place.

Starfire moaned loudly, and her legs wrapped tightly around Robin's head, pulling his face right against her vagina. He struggled to pry her legs apart, but her grip was much too strong. She continued moaning loudly, bucking her hips from time to time. Robin continued to try and free himself with no success.

"AH AH AH AH AAAAAHHHHH!…Aaaaaaaahhhhhh…" Her legs fell limp and freed Robin from their lock. As he pulled his head away and returned to his side of the bed, he thought he tasted something on his lips. Shrugging the notion away, he closed his eyes and slept peacefully for the rest of the night.

**Seems that the Titans aren't getting as much privacy as they might think. And with all that booze at their disposal, the week ahead should be getting very interesting. Note: It will probably be a while before Chapter Eight comes up, but I guarantee it'll be well worth the wait. **

**Peace, Love, and All Things Rock,**

**Terra the Masterful**


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